While his shock at this is understandable, I'd caution it's a bit redundant to have him recite back everything we've already been told. Just be wary not to overdo it.Īlso, I've noticed that there are parts where Gen monologs information we'd been told a paragraph or a few prior.
That being said I don't think the first scene does anything that couldn't have been done in 1st pov like the rest of the chapter, but admittedly it gets a pass for purely stylistic choices. I found the segment confusing for the most part when I first read it, but it made more sense the second time after the rest of the chapter recontextualized it. Starting off with the first scene in the chapter, I must say I wasn't entirely sold on the sudden shift to 2nd pov shift. There isnt too many flaws I can see and I really do think you have an excellent story here that you should be proud of!Īlright, I just read the third chapter of this fic for my Catnip assignment and I'll jump right in and share my thoughts about it without delay. Overall I absolutly love the story to bits. Lovely chapter Bench!Ĭh 8: Another wonderful installment as to be expected! I do like the whole concept of purification and how it may come into the light more as the story goes on. Also Satriv being a former shadow pokemon is so dang cool and contrasts how wholesome they are perfectly. But in all seriousness I saw a lot of myself in Gen, its nice to have people who can help in those sort of situations but the way you treated it was respectful and wholesome in a way, so o7 to you Bench! The Dynamax part was surprising and the scene where Gen almost killed his teammate scared me, ive gotten really attached to team Searchlights at this point tbh. I didn't even know there was a teapot pokemon.Ĭh 7: I didn't come expecting to feel bad for a human-turned otter but here I am XD. Your scene setting is once again on point and the descriptions are as wonderful as always! You've really pulled me in to this little story of yours! Gen is starting to resonate a lot with me, and I find him really cute and relatable, also the part where he didn't know whatever that teapot thing was was a mood. All in all I just found this a cute chapter (Along with the added intruige that is Dewott Gen, im exited to figure out more about that!)Ĭh 6: Two words: Team Searchlights. Bruhalla is my favorite but I relate to Gen on a spiritual level, and Saltriv is just a pokemon embodiment of a whoopee pie. Also I hope you know Im adopting the main trio. so the british up and murdered the Porygon? Again the fact you managed to make me afraid of a fossil and a pokemon shows how good you are at writing, so kudos to you for that. The descriptions were beautiful and the scene setting was awesome, it really felt like I myself was there! I also found the scene where Saltriv and Gen hung out in Saltriv's house and Gen learned about the world adorable for some reason.Ĭh 5: HOLY SHITOKI MUSHROOMS I wasn't expecting for the story to get dark that quick XD. The connivence of Gen realizing took me out of the experience a little but otherwise I really really liked this!.Ĭh 4: I really did like how you fleshed everyone out a little bit, with Burhalla and his dad, and the fact that there is no way Gen lying wont come back to bit him later. Also I really liked the action bits! Reminded me of when I first played the games when I was younger and got scared at every little fight. I actually love the idea of the phrase "Bloody Unovan" (May have to use it someone ) ). I am curious about Saltriv though, I like them but I feel they and Gen are somewhat connected, as Gen saved them from being killed by the distortion blob thingy,Ĭh 3: British Pokemon Poggers. I actually love the stuffings out of that lil lizard child and I spent half the chapter just gushing over him. Of course that question was answered pretty quickly as Gen met my boy Burhalla. I will say the constant use of !? was a bit excessive but other than that it is a strong start to the story! I overall really liked it.Īlso I could instantly tell it was the intro mailbox and when I tell you I wheezed so hard-Ĭh 2: ok so it did take a second for me to connect the POV wasn't being told from Gen's perspective but once that clicked I found myself interested in whoever the person was.
If someone just randomly found themselves in a void with a mailbox I would be just as confused as Gen was. Today the intro mailbox is dropping down to review your story! Ill review it by chapter sense i've read it all already XDĬh 1: I know its probably not often a good thing to hear when someone says they were initially confused when reading a story's beginning, but honestly I liked how it was done here.